I wrote this in January of 2019. My Grandpa had Alzheimer's and was known to repeat himself pretty regularly. One of his sayings I remember frequently hearing while visiting is “Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart”. What a true and wise statement. I wrote this in a different stage of my life. Newly married and looking forward to the prospects of starting a family. So I wrote some lessons and perspectives down that I wanted to remember to teach my future kids. I think some of it bears weight and since it was inspired by my Grandpa, I desperately want to put it out into the world as a bit of a salute to him. This is your warning that I will mention God. It’s part of me. I don’t intend to be preaching to anyone in this. I’m just writing my thoughts and I hope whether you agree with me or not you can respect my perspective and opinions as a friend of mine and someone who knows my intentions are wholesome.
Ok… That’s the end of my foreword. Now to the real talk.
Have you ever had one of those moments where understanding hits you like a ton of bricks? Like how it never occurred to me until I was in my mid twenties that my mother had to navigate raising teenage daughters without her mother to consult. I was still calling my mom to ask where Walmart moved the chicken in my late twenties. I can’t imagine raising kids without her to lean on for advice. Or like the realization that typically when your parents told you not to do something as a child it was really for your benefit. You couldn’t see it then, but one day it becomes apparent.
Life needs children and the innocence that accompanies them. It needs those sweet moments with them to bring us encouragement when life is trying to knock you down. It also needs the immaturity of making your own mistakes to really ingrain a lesson. How unfortunate, though, that the lessons are sometimes learned a little too late.
When and if I have kids, I will try desperately to share the lessons I learned the hard way as I am sure practically every parent has sworn to do. It won’t work. It never fully does. But if I can at least ingrain these pebbles of wisdom into their character, then I will hopefully save them some of the regret that comes with learning too little too late.
1. God first.
2. Others second.
3. Judging is for Jesus.
4. Love is an unlimited resource.
5. Patience truly is a virtue.
6. Wait for the one. Don’t settle. Passion & chemistry do not equate to a lifelong helpmate.
7. This too shall pass.
8. Eat the cake.
9. Be a dreamer but remember logic and reason.
10. You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
God First.
God is why you are where you are today. God loved you so much that he gave His only Son that you can spend eternity with Him. Don’t forget that. Don’t forget Him. Pray to Him when times are good. Pray to Him when times are bad. You can’t see Him. You can’t always feel Him. But seek Him. That day when life knocks you off your feet and you need Him so badly, He will be there. He may seem pointless at times when life is hard and you aren’t getting the answer to your prayers that you desire. Trust me when I say what is coming your way is infinitely better than what you are being denied. Hindsight is 20/20. Let God work.
Others Second.
Don’t be a doormat and don’t think I am encouraging you to put a friend over your spouse or kids etc. But if you live your life in such a way where you are focused on the impact your actions and words have on others then it is so very difficult to NOT serve God.
Judging is for Jesus.
(The alliteration of the J’s made me feel like a teacher!)
Can we just start loving the people that are going through this life side by side with us? Praise God it is not my decision who goes to Heaven or Hell. I can rest easy at night knowing that the burden is not mine to bear. Scripturally, I do believe we have been given a specified path to salvation and are called to act a certain way. I also believe we are encouraged to help an erring brother or sister back to the path when they have lost their way. I don't believe that accepting is always loving. But before you gallop off on your high horse to go “rescue the lost'' take a moment to reflect on your own sin. It will change your interaction from “The Lord has sent me to save you” to “The Lord sent His son to save us both and praise God for His mercy and grace!” And we all need a little bit more of that attitude in our lives. Amen? Nobody reaches another person through arrogance or perfection. You reach someone by being there. By being kind. By being human alongside them.
Love Is An Unlimited Resource
No one controls the amount of love you have to give but you. People can burn you. Or, should I say, they WILL burn you. They can make loving so difficult that you feel like you’ve lost the ability. But you haven’t. You may need to remove them from your life. You may need to grieve or seek healing from a counselor. But they didn’t dry up all the love inside of you and make you incapable of loving someone else again.
Patience Is Truly a Virtue
We don’t always get what we want. And we rarely get it in the timeframe we expected when we do get what we want. Learn patience. Like seriously commit to learning it. It will make the rest of your life so much easier.
Wait for the one. Don’t settle. Passion & chemistry do not equate to a lifelong helpmate.
Real talk. Even the most beautiful aspects of life are hard at times. Friendships will be hard. Jobs will be hard. Growing old will be hard. Marriage will be hard. When you reach those rocky roads, you want someone that will pick you up and carry you through. Have standards and keep them. (FYI, having standards is different than just being plain picky.) Passion and chemistry only take you so far. They are fun. While they last. Keywords: While they last. Have the wisdom early on to discern your standards and search for someone who not only meets but exceeds those standards. Obviously I hope that you can find someone you have passion and chemistry with who also has a firm foundation in the same things that matter to you. But don't get caught up in the frenzy of being young and in love and planning the perfect big wedding that you forget a marriage is supposed to last a lifetime. Choosing someone as a helpmate doesn't mean your marriage will be perfect either. Marriage is just plain hard sometimes. But having the same foundation can help you approach the difficult topics with the same commitment, background, and goals for the future. (Disclaimer: I've said life is hard. We aren't the same people today that we will be in years to come. People change over time. Sometimes positively. Sometimes negatively. I'm not insinuating that you chose poorly if your marriage doesn't last or that your marriage is going to be guaranteed and happily ever after because your spouse has the same foundations as you. People have free will and don't always behave or do the things they should.)
This too shall pass.
This world is not my home. I’m just passing through. We are all going to die. Nothing we have accumulated or accomplished in this life is going to go with us when we do. In good, or bad, or happy or sad, remember that this too shall pass. Enjoy the wonderful moments. Take them in and be grateful for them. And in the sad moments focus on eternity and the split second this bitter moment equals to in comparison.
Eat the cake.
I run. I work out. I try my hardest to stay in shape and take care of this body I have been given. But I also eat cake and can down a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Half-Baked ice cream. Stop the anxiety train about your looks, wrinkles, and weight and start enjoying life because it won’t last forever. I’ve never met a 90-year-old that didn’t have wrinkles. And I know some that have used anti-aging creams. Getting old, saggy bodies is inevitable. If you want to take care of yourself then do so in order to enjoy life more. Run so that you can take your kids on a nature hike. Go to the gym so that you are strong enough to care for your elderly parents. But stop worrying that your hair isn’t the right color, or you aren’t skinny enough or pretty enough. There is nothing more beautiful than someone who is confident in their own skin because they are invested in their relationships, their health and enjoying all the things life has to offer.
Be a dreamer but remember logic and reason.
Dreams are what give you the motivation to get up and attack every day. They are formed from passions and are wonderful things to set your sights to. But you are not entitled to achieve them just because you dream of them. You are not entitled to achieve them just because you worked hard at it. Furthermore, having your dream (ex: job, house etc.) does not mean your life will be fulfilled. People are going to squash your dreams. They are going to tell you no or critique your visions and sometimes they will be right. That is ok. Keep going. But before you decide that you have a right to your dream, look through the logic lens and make sure it is practical and will better your life and those around you. That gaping hole in your existence may not be from the lack of passion towards your career or a home life that leads something to be desired.
You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
God does not make mistakes. He made you on purpose. He so literally did not have to. That is amazing! Your size, your height, your mental state, your abilities were not accidents. They were given to you for such a time as this. Be you. Find out who that is. Rejoice in what He created. And thrive. Note: Thriving looks different to everyone because everyone was made to be unique. Your differences from me do not make you less than or better than me. What do they make you? Not me. That is all.
Life is so short. They say wisdom comes from experience but maybe the wisest thing we can do for ourselves is to actually start listening to the advice we've already been given. Just thoughts.
Monica
A song about being young, making mistakes, and fighting through. -->
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