I started writing the deeper version of this blog to help me process my own grief and encourage others who also were grieving or just felt generally beaten down by life. The topics veered more spiritual in nature because as I processed my grief I also began a journey in spiritual growth. Since I am a Christian, most of my hope and encouragement comes through what I have in Christ and it got harder to separate those thoughts and feelings as time went on. One thing I did learn about grief is that it is forever more a part of you. Loss changes who you are at your core. And there is no timeline or end date. You don’t reach a point where you package it up and seal it off with a pretty little bow. And so, while I haven’t written specifically on grief in a bit, the thoughts are still coming. And the most recent thought is -There’s no good way to lose someone.
When tragedy strikes, it is human nature to try and figure out how deep and how far the tragedy reaches. “How old was she? Was she married? Did she have kids? How old were they?” I will also add that probably a majority of the time we are asking these types of questions in the purest form of love to see what help is needed and where we can contribute. But then there’s the other questions and comments. “Were they sick for a long time? Did you get to say goodbye? At least (if it was sudden) they didn’t suffer”. Human nature wants to encourage. Human nature wants to find the silver lining. Human nature wants to encourage.
In the last few years I’ve realized that it doesn’t matter if the baby was miscarried, if you got 5 minutes with them, if they were 5, 10, 18, 30, 42, 65, 78, or 95 years of age. It doesn’t matter if they lived a long and good life, were married or not or had or didn’t have children. Because whether someone was sick for years or passed suddenly, they were someone’s grandfather, grandmother, mother, father, sister, brother, daughter, son, friend, cousin, co worker…and someone somewhere is missing a piece of their world. And there’s no good way to lose a piece of you.
I’ve alluded to this thought in previous posts but I’ve never written short and to the point on the topic. I’m sharing it with you now and in this format for two reasons. The first is that it’s been circling around my head for a while and this is the only way to get it out and move on. Secondly, I think a major part of grief is the inability to move on. It hurts to see, think, and feel that other people are moving on, that time is continuing on without your loved one and eventually you have to carry on whether you want to or not. And I think possibly the biggest lesson I learned through all of this is to make an effort to remember. Make an effort as the griever to continue talking and sharing about my loved ones so that I keep their memory alive. Continue to remember to check in as a friend to someone who is grieving so that they feel seen, understood, and loved. And I guess a third reason, a bonus if you will, is that hopefully someone reading this will be inspired to check in on someone they know who is grieving. Because there is no good way to lose someone, but I think the worst way to lose someone would be alone.
**The picture above is a sympathy card I drew and that is for sale in my boutique. I looked for a picture of nature to share and even considered sharing a picture of one of my loved ones I lost recently (but how to choose who?). At the end of the day, this card says what I can't communicate through a picture of nature or a person. "The Lord is near the brokenhearted." I have purposefully not sent this card to any of my grieving friends because I didn't want a sincere and loving gesture to have any possibility of being mistaken for self promotion. I feel a little uncomfortable sharing it on this post. But- I wanted to let you know it exists because after going through my own season of grieving and reading/buying a ton of sympathy cards for others recently, I felt like the simple and most encouraging thing I could say to someone is exactly this. **
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