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Writer's pictureMonica Cherry

It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better


I didn't intend for this blog to be any kind of a ministry. I only intended for it to be an encouraging space to share uplifting insights. But the longer I go on here the more I realize that the only encouragement I really find strength or hope in comes from my belief in God. So I think I am officially done trying to hide it or make disclaimers after this. If you don't want to keep reading future posts you don't have to. But I hope you do...

I’ve said before that everyone goes through different kinds of hardship and just because what you are going through isn’t as outwardly difficult as something someone else is going through doesn’t mean it isn’t hard for you. I stand by that. I respect that people have different struggles. But I also know we can learn from each other and help keep things in perspective. I once said that there is a time for empathy and maybe a time for a perspective shifting conversation. I also still think that is true but I wonder if we don’t really need “perspective shifting conversations” because our perspectives are shifted just by being among friends and listening.

Recently my ladies’ Sunday school class intended to start our study time with a prayer. When we started taking prayer requests it turned into an hour of sharing hurts and suffering and ended with prayer. We never made it to the lesson but it was exactly what the people in the room needed. It’s no secret to you all that I’ve been down. This year and the last couple of years have brought waiting, loss, and financial burdens greater than I know how to deal with on my own. I keep this hope that things are going to get better. God is going to be with us and help us through struggles. As someone who experienced extremely smooth sailing the first 32 years of my life I think I have had a naive outlook. “If I make it through this- it will be smooth sailing again.” And maybe it will for a time. But where my thoughts went as I listened to friends of varying ages share things they are struggling with that Sunday morning is that it is going to get worse before it gets better. I do believe that God is with me and that at the end of my life I will be able to say I had more smooth sailing than stormy seas because He was with me. But I also see that the older I get and the longer I am part of this world the more death, hurts, and burdens I’ll be a part of or see others going through.


Some people have known or understood this from childhood but I would wager most of my friends and people reading this are similar to me in their upbringing. Maybe they didn’t make it 32 years without difficult experiences but for the most part grew up in loving homes with good friends and family members, and a community that protected them in some ways.


I guess in summary my point to myself and anyone that can relate is that I’m learning how to process a lot of things recently and the thing I’m learning is there is no magic moment when grief ends. There’s no magic moment when loss doesn’t hurt anymore. There is no magic moment in this life when you are guaranteed to avoid or have the hard things totally pass you by forevermore. It’s going to get worse before it gets better.


Not very encouraging for someone who says their purpose is to encourage others, but let’s skip to the good part. There undoubtedly will be seasons of great joy in this life. There will be moments of beauty uncovered in the hard things we go through. There is beauty all around us when we look outside of our phones and embrace nature and the people right in front of us. But if we are looking for that moment when all that is left or promised for our futures is good, then we have to shift our perspective heavenward. It gets worse here. But it gets better there. And knowing, believing and walking confidently here in that knowledge is what will get me through the “worse” times here to experience the better times there..


My focus hasn’t been heavenward. It’s been here. Get through this. Get through that. Take a punch and get knocked down. Cry about it and get up and try again. No wonder I’ve felt like I’m losing a match because I am only looking at what’s right in front of me in the moment instead of where I’m going and what it will be like when I get there. I'm writing this and thinking that I might be the only one that has been as naive as I am, but I doubt I’m the only one whose focus hasn’t been heavenward. And believe me- I’ve thought it has been. As someone who was raised going to church and who is generally trying to be a good person and live her life in such a way that serves God- I’ve definitely been under the impression I’ve had the right focus. But I haven’t. Or maybe I did, but I’m maturing and things are starting to look different for me now.


So while the title isn’t exactly encouraging it is the perspective shift I needed and maybe you do too. At 33 years old I haven’t lost my parents. I haven’t known miscarriage or the loss of a child. I haven't lost a spouse or been bankrupt or left homeless. I haven’t had a lot of horrible experiences that I obviously hope I never do, but I know the rest of my life also won’t be smooth sailing. And I’m not really ok with that but I am finally accepting this reality. I still have a lot of good here and coming for me in the future. I still hope to have a lot of joy coming in my life. I know God is with me and that while he may not prevent all evils and troubles from finding me he will shelter me and see me through them when they inevitably do. And I know if I stay with Him… in Him… then I have such a better thing waiting for me than I could ever hope for or imagine. And I hope this for you. I hope we can lean on him to see us through when our strength can’t carry us any further. I hope we can look to him for direction when faced with decisions that we can’t navigate. And I hope that we can learn to truly enjoy all the good and beauty we have here on earth without getting so focused here that we lose sight of what is coming there. Because it is going to get worse before it gets better. And I want us all hanging in there to experience something better some day.


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