Is it a trust issue or a focus issue?

It seems like for more years of my life than not I have spent my Memorial Day weekends at Gee Creek with longtime friends of my dad. We camp. We hike. And we raft the Hiwassee River. His friend is a true outdoorsman, certified river guide and has years of outdoor adventure under his belt. On Memorial Day, before everyone packs up and heads home, he takes a group repeling from a small “bluff” in the area. I have always been too scared and generally uninterested in going until one year I had a lapse in judgement and decided I wanted to go. I don’t know if anyone that reads my blog is someone who would also go repeling but if you have ever been then you know the drill. You are supposed to essentially just walk backwards off the edge of a bluff. (Don’t use this as your official instructions if you are interested. It’s a very simplified version.) I watched several people go. No one had a problem. Then it was my turn. I knew as a verified fact that it was possible and the method I was being told to use worked. I just watched it with my own eyes. The problem is I have a brain and my brain said that walking off the edge of a bluff was not something we would be doing that day so at the last minute it caused me to falter and fall. Not far. I scraped my knee on the rock. That was the extent of my injuries. As it turns out, walking off the cliff is actually the safer thing to do. And once you do it, going down is quite easy. But if you are like me and you lose your focus, then you fall (thankfully catch yourself) and then spend a minute trying to get the fear and adrenaline to subside as you realize you are on the side of a bluff and have no choice but to repel down at this point.

Early on in foster care conversations you will be told that you can’t prepare. Expected the unexpected. Anything can happen. It won’t always go the way you or even the social workers think it should. Now fast forward 6 months in with two little lights that you are in love with and have gone through the good and the bad. You’d want to know what the situation was and how things were progressing. I told myself early on in this journey I was just going to have to learn to trust God. And yet every time I hear of a trial update I go trying to get as much information as I can. I think the twins social worker is someone who doesn’t like to say he doesn’t know. He wants to provide comfort and encouragement to us. And generally speaking their case is truly one that will most likely lead to adoption. But… “you never know”. So when I go looking for information I end up stressed and in a terrible head space.

Sometimes the way is just the way. Sometimes fear is louder, but that doesn’t make it truth. Sometimes it’s loud because we’ve lost our focus. What’s true for me is probably true for someone else. Is it a trust issue or a focus issue?

I tend to ramble. I have a lot of similar stories. Some even comical. But I think for today the message of short and sweet gets the point across better than me beating it to death or making you laugh.