My friend Courtney helped me subtitle this post “A.K.A. Your Thirties”. I don’t want to pretend or equate what I’ve gone through to the trauma of someone who has been abused, neglected or harassed. But I do think we can all say collectively the foundations through which fairly mentally healthy individuals have seen the world was shaken due to covid. I’m not even going to get into the political controversy it became (I want to keep this space positive). I’m even just talking about the decisions made by leaders that said we could play basketball games but not have jump balls at the start of the game. Things that made no sense. The realization that people weren’t in charge of their own businesses that they had built from the ground up. And so many other things that just made me realize that the world wouldn’t always function the way in which I knew it before the pandemic.I witnessed people getting mad that they were required to come to work and risk their safety while others stayed at home on government assistance doing nothing. I witnessed workers taking double the work but not receiving added benefits. I witnessed new employees who lacked proper training or discipline to do their work from home making the jobs of others more difficult and tiring even though they didn’t technically have added job functions from their own employer. On a positive note, I watched women working from home get more time with their newborns. Dad’s with long commutes being able to spend more time at home with their families and help out more around the home. I witnessed families putting their phones down and spending more time together outdoors and traveling. And then coming out of Covid I witnessed grief in my own personal life like I had never experienced before. I believe grief has a way of shaking you to your core and forcing your perspective to shift all on its own. But when you add it to the pandemic experience it seems next level.
Maybe all ages are going through this crisis. But I look at many of my friends and see people who feel unappreciated at their work, burnt out from increased responsibilities and poor communication, paying for decisions that are made so far above their head they have no say and whose eyes have been opened to a different way of life and the realization that we aren’t here forever. And so that’s where we sit. 30 something years old. Trying to make our way in this world. Wondering if it’s worth it and what matters most at the end of the day. Living requires money. Living well (or comfortably) requires more than just money for necessities. I do believe working adds value to your life. It also gets in the way of a lot of the things that make life worth living, ha. It’s a necessity, but an inconvenience. A means, but not the meaning. Many of us aren’t working in a role that we intended to. We wonder if we’d find our passion if we moved into a space that was more in line with our degree or general interest in life. Then we wonder if it would pay enough money or if our passion would wane once it became our means of survival instead of a hobby. We are too young to have the experience needed to make these kinds of decisions, but too old to be making poor decisions that negatively impact our families or future retirement. If we wait until we retire, we may never get to do many of the things we dream about but if we chase dreams now we may never be able to afford to retire. We are influenced by a generation of parents who worked hard and were loyal to their employers but inundated with social media celebrities and influencers who promise you can make millions doing nothing in a field that you love so long as you buy their algorithm hack. And so- we are in an internal mental crisis. Scared to take any leaps. Scared not to. And just trying to get through each day.
I have not come out the other side yet, but I also am not someone to sit in one place very long so I am itching to find my way out. There is more to this thought than just this post. Expect future posts to come. But I thought I’d share what puts me at ease at the end of each day. And I do have to regularly remind myself of these things and focus on these things.
This isn’t my home. I’m a Christian. If you aren’t- you can either read this or skip to number three. When I look at the things of this world I see good people, bad people, good people who hurt people unintentionally, good people who sometimes hurt people intentionally and bad people who hurt people intentionally. I see decisions that impact me made by people who don’t know me or care about me. I see decisions made that help me, but hurt others. And I feel stressed by this at times. But at the end of the day I am reminded that my purpose is not here, it’s heaven. This earth is beautiful. People can be amazing. People can be awful. We aren’t perfect and any time or any place that humans are involved something will go awry for some people or all people. I get to wake up on this earth and enjoy Glacier National Park or the beautiful beaches in Malibu, but I also have to deal with the physical pains of this world. And one day- it will all end. For everyone. Not just me. Not just you. And at that time- I will hopefully be reunited with my creator and loved ones gone on before me. And the troubles of this world will seem so small IF I even remember them at all. This is something that brings me comfort when I lose my perspective and peace.
Pray- I’m not going to say much on this topic because if I am being totally honest prayer has been hard for me over the last year (more coming on that in a later post). Deep down I still believe in it. I still find myself doing it just not quite as often and sometimes I’m at a loss as to what to say. But even just acknowledging this to God tends to bring me some peace. More peace comes the more I do it (which might be why it hasn’t been the most helpful for me lately). It’s a work in progress for me right now. But I think it holds a lot of weight.
I can only change what I can control- You hear this all the time. Because it’s true. It’s hard to put into practice and I don’t take any credit for it. But in case you needed the reminder- here it is. We will lose jobs, loved ones, homes, or cars. We will have friendship breakups and marriage breakups. People we love will hurt us. We will hurt others. We will wish for things and not receive them. We will have things thrust upon us that we didn’t want, expect or know how to deal with. At the end of each day, we can only control what we can control. Did I try to be kind and considerate to others today? Did I apologize when I was in the wrong? Did I work my hardest and do my best at that assignment? Does it have anything to do with me or is it something inside of them that needs fixing? If you can control it and make it better, do it. If you can’t, you can’t. Move forward the best way you know how.
Practice Gratitude- If you follow any “successful” people they will say that they start their day with a practice of gratitude. Everyone’s standards for success are different but I do think there is something to this for the general population. When I don’t practice gratitude I become a victim. (Even though I’m not). When I don’t practice gratitude I blame God and forget the good things I have received. When I don’t practice gratitude I lose sight of the good in the world around me. Whether you keep a journal, sip a cup of coffee and reflect on one thing daily, or go around the dinner table reciting something for the family to hear… I don’t care how you do it but look for the things in your life you have to be thankful for. It will change your perspective on each day.
Unplug & Start Romanticizing Your Life- I love to read and specifically romantic comedies. Life is hard enough on its own. Romantic comedies are a way of escape. The hardest thing they ever have to deal with is typically a communication glitch. But when I fill my mind with these stories or when I spend time online- I can become disillusioned with what my life should look like. Reality isn’t a romantic comedy. Reality isn’t an escape. But I can build things into my days or weekends that make my life feel a little more magical than work, eat, sleep, repeat. What are things that make you happy? I spent 3 days off work and at home with my dog Doug. Every morning we went for a walk at the park. I love getting out on a shaded gravel trail exploring nature. I love feeling like I got a workout while spending time bonding with my dog. This isn’t something I am going to be able to do on most weekday mornings. But why can’t I make it a priority to add it into my Saturdays? Yes. Houses have to be cleaned and there are always chores to be done. We can’t shirk off our responsibilities but we can make time in our day for something that makes us happy because the chores will still be there when the walk is over and maybe when I add in the peaceful walks the mundane daily work won’t seem so bad.
Rearrange & Affirm Your Priorities- I use a planner and every year it requires me to sit down and evaluate my values, priorities and passions. In a world of social media it is easy to have our values and priorities swayed by what we see every day. We think we should value the same thing every influencer values or be in the same season of life our “followers” are in. And if you don’t have a firm grip on your values and regularly check in that your priorities align- you will be swayed. But when you have a grasp on values and priorities then you will feel yourself start to sway and before you are too far gone you will have the opportunity to do a self check. Have your values changed or are they the same? If they have changed then maybe your priorities need to realign. But if they are still the same maybe it’s not your priorities that need to realign but your mindset and how you spend your time. When I start to feel down about our house, or not having a family or this business or whatever it may be- I review my values and realize that I have everything I ever wanted or needed and I’m spending my time where it matters most to me.
Like I said- I’m not out the other side. And maybe I never will be. Maybe I’ve reached a stage of life that you stay in until life for you ends. Constantly wondering “what if”. Wishing for lost dreams. I think there is a time for chasing dreams. I think we can ignore what the Holy Spirit is telling us to do and it can lead to restlessness. I also think there is no harm in taking a secure path and working at a job you actually don’t hate (when you truly stop and consider it and your options) and reserving your passions for hobbies. I’m not advising you to leave a good and steady job or stay in a toxic work environment. I’m merely recognizing that comparison fatigue isn’t going away. A perspective, once shifted, won’t easily allow you back to life as it was before. And if we don’t have a plan for wading through the mental whirlwind- we are bound for distress and anxiety.
I don’t know what the future holds for me, you, or anyone else. I don’t always know what decisions are best for my family or what I might be missing out on due to fear of the unknown. But- I do know what I value. I do know that my priorities are in alignment with my values. And I know that when I stop and think about it and re-center myself with gratitude- I’m actually incredibly happy with my life and all the pieces- work, friends, where I live, etc. - that make up my life .
Maybe you are in this land of in between and when you re-center and analyze your values and priorities, you feel led to make a change in your life. If that is the case, then I hope you do and I pray it turns out great for you. But at the end of the day I’ll leave you with one final point.
Nothing is permanent. Some people fall on truly hard times. I’m not saying you never will. But I think sometimes due to fear of the unknown we box ourselves into these spaces and think we can’t ever leave them or pick up the pieces if we break. I don’t have the experience to say without a doubt that it isn’t true, but I have observed a few things in my short time on this earth. What has to get done will get done. If it doesn’t get done- then it wasn’t truly necessary (I’m not implying that you brush off work. I am more so talking about all of the things and pressure we put on ourselves to accomplish that maybe we can, but sometimes we just can’t). People lose jobs, but people are also getting hired somewhere for something every day. If you have a hobby that doesn’t make you any money- that’s ok. You can’t take your money or material possessions with you when you die and you can’t force or will someone to say on this earth when it is their time to go.
So live each day the best you can. And if for you- that's security in a stable job making less than you might be able to elsewhere or doing something that isn’t necessarily what you love but that you are good at- that is honest work. And if for you that is taking a leap- know that you won’t know how far you can jump until you try and you might be surprised that the fall isn’t nearly as far down as it looked when you leapt.
I’m not here to offer you advice. At 33 I’m hardly qualified to offer anyone advice (except maybe which earrings go best with your outfit). But I am here to help encourage you and sometimes I think just getting thoughts outside of your head can be very beneficial. So these are my thoughts. Maybe they are yours two and now you can relate. If nothing else they give you some actions to take to quiet the worrying and wondering and just appreciate where you are or to prepare you for your future
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