I moved to Paducah, Kentucky from Alabama in July of 2013. I was moving “north’, but I was still located in the southern region of the United States. Or so I thought. At least until winter came. The first couple of years I lived here the winters were rough. Even my new local friends said the winters weren’t usually as cold and snowy as they had been those 2-3 years. We got two or three snows each winter. Ice came first. Snow packed on top. And there it sat for a week at least.
Our cities weren’t prepared to deal with snowy roads. The snow turned to slush. The slush looked dirty and provided more opportunities for your tires to slip. It really was not all I had dreamed it would be. One Saturday afternoon- my duplex neighbor was out in the driveway with a snow shovel. The snow was pretty deep and one particular slushy area of the driveway was becoming unsurpassable because of the depth of the sludge. I grabbed a shovel and went out to help. Our plan was to clear that area and let the sun take care of the rest.
A few minutes into our work- our other duplex neighbor that shared a driveway poked his head out. They were an Iranian family. They could only speak very broken English. He came out with a shovel and got started. Then his son came out with a shovel and started in as well (I’m still trying to remember how we just happened to have so many shovels on hand?). We worked until we got the area of the driveway cleared. Then- they kept working. Since my neighbor and I couldn’t communicate that we had only intended to clear that one area… we kept working too. The four of us worked until every inch of that driveway was clear of snow or sludge.
We laid our shovels down. Backs aching. Fingers burning and raw. The man’s wife came out with 4 steaming hot cups of coffee. We sat in silence drinking our coffees and allowing the warmth of the mugs to soothe our hands. I think at one point I said, “This is delicious!” and she responded that it was Iranian coffee. There was lots of smiling, nodding at one another, and sipping. When we finished she took our mugs back and in broken English wished us a good day as we all returned to our respective homes.
That was almost ten years ago and I still remember it like it was yesterday. I was new to Paducah. I had very few friends in the area at that time. You may read this and think the fact that it sticks out to me as a pretty good day is a testament to how sad my life was at that time. I, instead, think it is a testament to how a simple act can leave an impression. A reminder of how easy it is to be kind. We are all just the grand sum total of our experiences and that was an experience that left an impression on me.
When I think of that day I think of four things.
They didn’t assume we had it under control or that someone else would take care of it. They grabbed shovels and jumped in to help.
They worked until the task was done. They didn’t halfway do it.
My neighbor didn’t fret over whether we drank coffee or not. She couldn’t really even ask. She just made four cups of coffee and let the rest take care of itself.
We sat in silence but it was companionable silence. Sometimes that says more than words.
Kindness doesn’t require some big prepared speech or action. It doesn’t require you to have something in common with another person. It doesn’t require hours of conversation with a best friend to know what they need. It doesn’t require a lot of money. Kindness can be shown in four people shoveling a driveway and drinking a hot coffee while smiling and nodding at each other. It just requires being human and recognizing the humanity and needs of others. I’m writing this to myself as much as anyone else because I think the world certainly has its share of cruelty but I think generally people are kind. But I also think we (or maybe I should say I) let the anxiety of not being prepared or not knowing how our actions will be received keep us from being kind to others for no reason at all. I think sometimes we assume someone else will do it so we don’t do anything or only half way do something. And sometimes we are honestly just too consumed (and often rightfully so) with our own struggles to notice the needs of others.
We never truly know what is going on with someone else. I’ve always heard this sentiment and even believed it to be true but hadn’t really learned it until this past year. And I hope as you read this, you are seeing a way that you can be a difference maker in the life of someone else. Because it actually is as simple as a cup of coffee (I picked that title for a reason, ha! Now we’ve really come full circle).
Use Venmo or Cash App to send someone $6 to get a coffee today. Buy the person’s coffee in line behind you at the coffee shop (this is where social anxiety causes me to chicken out). Even better, pick up a coffee and take it to a friend or coworker.
You don’t need to write an eloquent card. You don’t need to sit and talk for hours if you’re busy with kids and errands. This simple action says- I see you. I am thinking of you. And your simple act of kindness may very well get them through a grueling, back-breaking day. And isn’t that one of the major reasons why we are here? To help each other. To love each other. And to be kind to one another.
I chose the song below because one of the lines is "You can't go it alone, everybody needs help." In the song he is talking about finding your core group of people but I think that if we all saw everyone from the viewpoint of this line and understood that everybody needs help then kindness might be a lot easier to come across.
A song to encourage you -->
A Happy Download -->
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