I don’t know how many of my readers find themselves in similar situations in life as me or relate to my thoughts. I grew up in a Christian home. I’ve attended church and Bible classes my whole life. In my adult life I practice a personal bible study. I have been more consistent in some seasons of life than in others, but overall I have a discipline of personal bible study outside of church services. Being raised in a christian home means that I was raised with certain morals, beliefs, and behaviors. While I am not perfect, same for any other human, there was no moment where I had to change my entire thought process, belief system or behavior to commit my life to Christ. But life, or the loss of life, and changing circumstances force you to grow and I’ve learned that I have a lot of maturing to do spiritually, even with my upbringing and history.
I’ve been wrestling with a lot of thoughts over the last couple of years. I have a lot of questions and I realize that a lot of it starts with me and my understanding so I’ve been doing my own soul searching. A Bible Study company I follow put out a resource last year called a “Heart Check”. When I finished, I didn’t really know where I stood. I knew for a fact my heart was not ok, but I also wasn’t hardened beyond repair either. A day or two later, with no prompting, it hit me that my heart was disoriented.Disoriented means having lost one’s sense of direction, confused, distracted, mixed-up. With such a simple definition, it has taken me a lot of time to put into words what I mean by this.
A blog circulated on Facebook many years ago titled “Dear Jesus, I want to go to heaven, but I’m not ready to die”. I believe this is also a line in a Kenny Chesney song? And probably mentioned in many other works of literature or art throughout history. I think we see it repeated because it’s a sentiment that pretty much everyone agrees with. We want to graduate from college, get a job, get married, start a family, see our kids grow up, have grandkids, enjoy retirement and on and on the list goes. And there is nothing wrong with wanting any of that. I shared the article then. I might still share it now. My husband and I want a family. My sister gets married next month and I can’t wait to be there. I love Christmas with my parents. And I look forward to going home to my husband, dog, and cat every single night. I want to make it back to the beach in California, Glacier National Park and St. Augustine. I hope to take trips to a million more places over my lifetime. I love the life I have and the world God created for us to enjoy. And there is nothing wrong with wanting Any. Of. It. There is nothing sinful on that list. There is nothing evil on that list. There is nothing greedy on that list. But, it’s also not where my heart is supposed to be focused.
Matthew 6:21 says, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”
This is one of those instances where I probably still have some learning to do, but my base understanding is that God created man to have a relationship with him and to serve him. We were separated from him by our actions and sin. He sacrificed His son and wants us to accept that sacrifice and share that story so that others may also accept the sacrifice and be saved to spend eternity with Him. I’m not trying to start arguments with people who don’t believe in God. I’m not trying to start arguments about doctrinal issues between people who do believe in God. I am trying to start people thinking about where their treasure lies. Is your heart centered on storing up treasures on this earth or are you centered on storing up treasures in heaven?
Life is fast-paced and busy. There are a lot of things about life that are inherently good. (Read my list above. Marriage, friends, kids, family, holidays, etc). But if we aren’t aware and intentional, we will start focusing on storing up treasures here on earth. The warning here for me is that I am a Christian. I do try to live my life as a Christ follower. I do try to serve God by loving others and helping others. I do attend worship services and do my own personal study. I pray. I try to behave a certain way and think a certain way. And yet, I think I missed the point.
Matthew chapter 6 starting in verse 9 and following says,
“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also… vs. 25- Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barnes, and yet your heavenly father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? …vs. 31 So do not worry saying, “What shall we eat?” Or “What shall we wear?” For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”
My younger self would read this passage and think- ok so life isn’t about houses, money, or cars. Life isn’t about accumulating physical wealth. I took the wording in the verses about worry at surface level. And I read the closing passage as if I had already mastered it- Life is about serving God- Done/Doing it. Check. Understood. And I don’t know that my younger self was necessarily wrong in some sense. But reading it now, I consider this passage, and whether you believe I am right or wrong, I see it differently. Now I see that my treasures are my family, my friends, my hope for children... And while I do not believe these are bad things to want, I do believe they are earthly treasures… Now I see that I worry over these things more than I worry over souls…Now I see that it’s not only NOT about what I do or obtain, but it is most definitely ALL about what He did, does, and provides. Now I see that seeking first his kingdom means that I desperately want to go to heaven, and I am ok with going right now.
That last line is still hard to type. Maybe my heart isn’t totally re-oriented the right way. Maybe it will be a daily process for the rest of my life. My life is really good and I really enjoy it (with the exception of the occasional hard times). And I want to make the most of every day I’m given. But I don’t want to buy into that framework so hard that I allow the joys of my life to become my treasures. I don’t want to solely focus on who gave me this life and not why he gave me this life and what he asks and expects me to do with it. And I don’t want to be so focused here that I forget my ultimate purpose is to be there, heaven, and the direction I am heading. .
It’s natural to fear death. It’s natural to want to enjoy the good things we have here. It’s not wrong to take pleasure in those things. But I do believe for me personally, and maybe for you too, it is disorienting.
Direction means a course along which something moves. Disoriented means having lost one’s sense of direction, confused, distracted, mixed-up. And with that, I think you get my point.
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